Not that I’m counting or anything. But seriously, I’m getting married really soon.

When we first set the date, I would say, “I’m getting married in October,” and people’s responses would be along the lines of, “Oh that’s nice, it’s relatively soon.”

Now we’re at the point where it’s more like, “Wow. That’s soon.” Inevitably they exhibit a great deal of concern at that point, like I’m about to sprout a second head and turn into Bridezilla in front of their very eyes. Either that or have a nervous breakdown from all the stress, I’m not sure which. Maybe both.

The truth is I am actually far less stressed now than I have been in the previous 4 months. We have everything fairly well set, or at least to the point that the wedding will proceed regardless of whether or not we get these last-minute details taken care of. (E.g. there will be people there and they will be fed, although there might not be music for them to dance to – that kind of thing.)

Basically, if we just left things as is and didn’t do one more thing until blastoff, we would still be in OK shape. I may fall out of my dress for lack of the proper undergarments, but that’s the price you pay for being lackadaisical. I can accept that.

So the practical side of things is fairly well set. As for the intangibles, such as the question of whether or not I feel ready to be married, well… I have pretty much settled those things, too. I did struggle for a while, try oh the first three months or so, but mainly with the concept that I might at last be in danger of being happy.

Accepting happiness is one of the biggest challenges that I have faced in the past year, because it inherently means that you deserve to be happy. It’s much easier to go along being miserable when it conforms with how you view yourself, but then when someone comes along and tells you that A) you’re worth way more than that and B) deserve to be happy as a result, well… it’s tough to reform your self-conceptions.

But I’m getting there, and I’m getting the flowers picked out, and maybe we’ll make a playlist next weekend… or I’ll buy some upholstery to keep myself contained in my dress… or maybe not.

Whatever happens though, the fact is that in two months and four days, I will be a wife, and I will have a husband. I will have taken someone’s hand and promised to walk with them for the rest of my days, and I will take their name as a symbol of that union.

And you know what? Finally, after four months of soul-searching and stressing about the details… I cannot wait.

Advertisements